Am I really doing this!

February 23, 2018

 I have made a choice this year, a lifestyle choice to live my life and to appreciate it. Not to dwell on the past in which I can not change, not to try to be something or someone I am not, and to love an appreciate life. Although there are days, I am not going to lie, where I resort back to my old self talk and self doubt, of talking down to myself, and believing these negative conversations, but not anymore. I have chosen to take this journey of self discovery, of embracing things in a new light, and pushing myself in a way I never knew I could. I have chosen this journey because of one specific human emotion that I feel is no longer possible in my life... jealousy.  Why is this emotion even necessary in our lives? If you want something just go after it! Why be jealous of someone of something that they have, or who they are, or what they don't have. This jealousy that I have always felt may have people questioning why I am jealous of this but I am.  I am 100% jealous of RUNNERS.  I have always been jealous of runners, how can they run not only that fast but for that long of a distance!  Running is a choice, people who run live and breathe it day after day, as if their life would be incomplete if they missed a day of running. I wanted that and I was jealous that. I would look at runners as if they were accomplishing something magical.  I had asthma growing up as a child (mildly now) which made running long distances a challenge. I never even once ran the mile in gym class because of asthma but in my heart I wished that I could.  I have always lived a healthy lifestyle, walking when I had the freedom to do so, I do yoga, I eat a vegetarian diet, and drink water all day long. This year though I have been in search of something, something new, should I take an art class perhaps,  or learn how to play the piano, maybe learn how to speak a different language, I wasn't sure.  Whatever it was it had to be a challenge for me, something that if I were to accomplish it than I can do anything. and then it hit me... running.  That to me was the biggest challenge of all. It is for sure a lifestyle change but that is ok.  I knew that with this commitment it meant rain or shine, snow, or the summer heat, I was committed. I have also chosen to register for my first ever 5k race in April. WHAT! I know, but I know that if I do this than I can just keep pushing myself to better myself.  It just takes baby steps, one day at a time.  I know I can do it, I believe in my heart that I am ready for this.  It also allows for great self talk and motivation which is always needed, and the ability to calm my anxiety and allow my mind to clear and be in positive state.  So here I go, today is day 3 and it was raining, and I went out in the cold rain and I ran, I also ran a minute longer than I did yesterday.  Like I said one day at a time. 


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